Being Picky

This post has sat in my drafts since 2015. I sort of abandoned my blog because writing frustrates me, or perhaps more accurately, perfectionism and anxiety make writing frustrating. In the last few years (months, really), I've finally started working on some of these issues of mine, and I think writing more will be helpful. 

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I turned 25 this year. I don't know how it happened, and frankly, I was kind of dreading it. Reaching a quarter of a century seems like a big deal, so I felt obligated to make big plans to celebrate before leaving the early twenties age bracket. Honestly, though, I didn't do much differently from any other birthday. Some gifts/cards came in the mail from family, and friends/roommates shared food and fun. I'm old enough to rent a car now! And also old enough for the stereotype that since I'm not married by this point, I probably need extra help to get there.

Several people I've met recently have shown surprise that I'm 25, suggesting I look younger. I guess it's flattering, except that it's probably because I still have acne breakouts to rival a teenager's. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the anxious habit of picking -at my face, scabs, hang nails, split hairs...
Thankfully, nobody has yet tried (at least to my face) attributing my still-single status to simply being "too picky."

Don't get me wrong: I believe marriage is an important part of life both on earth and in eternity, and it is something that I aspire to despite how expertly it eludes me. But it's a big freaking commitment, so I don't think it's anyone's place to suggest someone is being too picky with regard to the most important decision of one's life. My parents divorced when I was 18, and I don't actually know if their relationship was ever healthy during my observations.

So even though many people around me (and younger, I'll add) are finding love, getting married, having children, and apparently progressing more than I am now or will in the foreseeable future, I take comfort in knowing that my life will turn out wonderfully somehow, and I can't judge that based on someone else's timeline: God knows what's best and I have to trust that things will work out incredibly well.

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I've left the post as I saved it back then. Incomplete, oh well. 

I don't think I could have been described as "picky" because I didn't exactly have a long line of suitors... I'll be exploring theories about this in future posts. When I originally wrote this, I had dated a guy for a couple months earlier in the year, we broke up, kind of made up? and at this point he had long-distance ghosted me. Well, for the first time. Ugh, I had so much to learn.