I'm Still Alive!

Sorry it's been a while since I last wrote, but I've been busy beyond all reason with assignments of many varieties (speaking of, I should probably be working right now, but this is for mental health). I've thought of a plethora of brief anecdotes and observations I could share, but I'll post those another time - hopefully soon.

For now, I want to talk about today. Not "what I did today," but on the significance of September 29th. It is one of those dates I will never forget, since it has been an eventful day in almost every year of the recent past.

Three years ago today, my youngest niece (until next year) was born, breaking the tie in the niece/nephew ratio for our family. She has been a joy in the lives of all who meet her, just as delightful as her cousins. In her little lifetime, she has shown me the pure, childlike love spoken of in the scriptures and has, on several occasions brought tears to my eyes. To feel her small, tender hands reach to hug me is an irreplaceable experience - one that even now cannot be recalled with dry eyes. Today I am reminded of how grateful I am that she is part of my "famoly."

Two years ago today, something else happened in our family. Having celebrated the aforementioned birthday over the weekend, we all met on this Monday - with out-of-state brothers on the phones - to learn that my parents would be divorcing just short of their 30th anniversary. Regardless of the surrounding circumstances, an announcement so out of the blue induces shock along with a myriad of emotions - mostly tearful. It is a hard thing to learn just before one's 18th birthday that the perceptions about one's home and family for all those years will no longer be accurate, and perhaps never were. It took many weeks and months - perhaps still years - to work through our grief; such change is not easy, no matter how necessary it is. Some forget more swiftly than others, but I am brought to recall the many tearful nights spent alone and with my siblings, and grieve for my own past self.

This year, 9/29 was a fairly usual Wednesday, but I have been brought to remember another painful piece of the past. Today is the day my former datee began his two years as a missionary - the first two weeks of which will be spent at my place of employment, the training center. As was hinted in a previous post, things did not end well between us, and while I am glad he has taken this step (I did care very much for him this time last year), I feel uncomfortable chancing an encounter by donning my mail room apron. It was made known to me that my associations with this person were the means of turning him toward a more constructive path of life, so for that much I am grateful. Today I felt a few shadows of sorrow, but the tears do not come anymore in this thing, for there were far, far too many in months past. I still await a feeling of closure, as though it is an envelope that will not seal, when I have other letters yet to write.

As months pass, the tears will dry - at least those of sorrow, I hope - and perhaps next September will bring more reasons to rejoice.